Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
