Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
