covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
