I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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