Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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