I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
