he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
