I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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