I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize