dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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