what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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