you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
