the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize