she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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