the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize