How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
