people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I think I sprained my soul last night
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
