Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
