i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Randomize
