but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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