Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
