If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
