Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
