If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
two words: eviction party
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
