He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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