butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
