what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
