so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
