we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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