And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
