3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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