If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
