I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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