Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
