i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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