Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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