Can Purell be used as lube?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
