ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
