Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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