Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize