I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
