those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
