I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Where is the hickey?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
she told me i tasted like america
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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