I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize