Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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