I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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