eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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