Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Two words: nipple clamps
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