Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
