Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
