1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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