does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
