nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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