dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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