Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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