About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
