yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
