my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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