sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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