she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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