you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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