someone get that fucking seahorse.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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