So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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