I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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