I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
