Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
