Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
