yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
