Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
