made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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