loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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