wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Just pee around me
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
