just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
