She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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