she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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