youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
