She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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