I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
