I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
