HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
