FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
