Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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