Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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